World Kindness Day offers friendly reminder to treat yourself, others with kindness

Nov. 13 marks World Kindness Day across the globe.

With a slogan this year to, “Make kindness the norm,” you don’t have to look far in Saint John, N.B., to find a random act of kindness.

“I helped somebody out this morning who needed a coffee so I went and bought them a coffee,” says resident Kalina Lester. “And I don’t expect anything in return.”

That feeling of gratitude after offering an act of kindness, or being on the other end can be overwhelming.

“It releases all sorts of endorphins in the brain, doesn’t it,” Andre Haines says. “And then the synapses they fire differently, and then chemicals fire differently, and it puts a smile on your face.”

When many people think of kindness, they may think about simple gestures like holding open the door for someone, sparing some change for someone in need, or simply saying please and thank you. What often gets lost in the shuffle is the thought of self kindness.

“World kindness would spread a lot further if we weren’t beating ourselves up all the time or judging ourselves,” Haines says, admitting he tends to be harder on himself then he should be. “World kindness should maybe start in my heart.”

Psychologist Dr. Dayna Lee-Baggley says it is common for most people to not to be kind to themselves. She says that self-criticism comes from the “survival part” of the brain, and it’s an automatic tendency.

“When we start to apply that to ourselves, that self criticism can really in it can really interfere with out well-being,” she says. “Because it’s an automatic process we can’t stop the process from happening, but we can notice when it shows up and we can choose to respond with kindness rather than fueling the self-criticism.”

Lee-Baggley says people often fight against offering kindness to themselves, with a notion of if someone is hard on themselves they won’t make the same mistakes again. This isn’t the case.

“The literature shows quote the opposite that when we our kind to ourselves, we are more likely to get back on track, we are more likely to keep trying with difficult things,” says the doctor. “The first step is just noticing when that self criticism has showed up.”

“One of the things you can think about is how you would speak to somebody else,” Lee-Baggley urges residents when talking down on themselves. “Think about your own self talk to yourself, is that something you would say to other people?”

She adds more often than not the answer is no.

Jay Remer, better known as “The Etiquette Guy,” says there are a few things that don’t often occur to people when they think of kindness. One of them is the act of self-kindness, which Remer says can be helped by taking a few minutes out of each day to centre yourself in whatever way works best for you.

“When you are your most authentic self any act of kindness, whether it’s opening a door or saying thank you, anything you might do routinely will come across as being more genuine and more real,” Remer says.

Remer adds the actively listening to others when they speak, rather then focusing on what you might say next, is another simple way to be kind. His third tip would be to connect with others either in-person or virtually.

“Especially those who you feel might need a connection that would be an incredible act of kindness,” says Remer. “There is a loneliness epidemic on the planet as we haven’t recovered from that which got really ratcheted up during COVID.”

With multiple wars and conflicts happening around the globe, being kind to one another has never felt so important. Even here in the Maritimes, Remer says everyone should be kind to one another, especially with the holidays approaching.

“We have job insecurity, we don’t know if we can make the next electricity bills, there is a whole whack of stuff we all struggle with everything single day,” Remer says. “To remember that we are all struggling differently, but nonetheless struggling, any act of kindness is going to have a huge impact.

“The more then merrier.”

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