A military spouse who says she recently fled a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship claims more needs to be done for the families of veterans living with post-traumatic stress disorder.
The woman, whose identity has been concealed for her protection, says her husband did tours in Afghanistan. But she says her tour never ended.
“When you're in that situation you really don't want to believe it to be abuse,” she said. “But when you hear from your children and they voice it out loud, and they tell you to run, it really makes it real.”
She watched closely last week as the tragedy unfolded in Upper Big Tracadie, N.S. Shanna Desmond, her 10-year-old daughter Aaliyah, and her mother-in-law Brenda Desmond, all died after her husband Lionel Desmond - an Afghanistan War veteran living with PTSD - shot them and then turned the gun on himself.
“When I heard her sister say that she had tried so hard, and the jealousy, the control was exactly the same thing,” said the woman.
She says she felt compelled to make sure people understand what she calls secondary-PTSD – the trauma experienced by spouses and children.
“No more silence. Speak up. It's the only way we're going to get these people help, the real help.”
She says her husband got some help, went to therapy and spent time in the same support unit as Lionel Desmond before being medically released . But she says it didn't work, in her view, because there's a disconnect.
“Have contact with the family that is dealing with that member because that member that's in there is still going to present themselves as strong as they were, just like they were when they were over in Afghanistan,” she said.
The woman says her husband was not abusive during the many years they were married before his tour in Afghanistan. But he came back a different man.
She says she gave it her all to stay in the marriage, but doesn't feel the military is giving her its all.
“I may not have gone overseas and done a tour physically, but I can honestly tell you, for speaking with other wives, our tour was at home. Our tour never ended when they came home.”
She fears that tour will continue even when her divorce is finalized, and she loses the benefits now being provided by Veterans Affairs.
With files from CTV Atlantic’s Kayla Hounsell.
