More than a third of Canadian couples say spending is source of conflict

A new report for couples is out just in time for Valentine’s Day.

The BMO Real Financial Progress Index conducted a recent survey with Canadian couples, which found spending continues to be a source of conflict in relationships.

“It’s actually one of the top reasons that people come in for couples counselling,” says Jaime McFarlane, a couples’ counsellor with The Couples Corner in Moncton. “Conflicts over finances are currently the number one reason for challenges in relationships.”

Thirty-five per cent of partnered Canadians believe their significant other is spending too much money, with nearly a third of couples saying spending of a source of disagreement in a relationship. On top of that, 36 per cent admit to not always being fully honest with their partner about there spending habits.

“It’s really hard to talk about finances, especially with the fear of being judged,” McFarlane says. “But it is actually the antidote in itself is kind of having our partners help us and learning from them as well and then coming together to really talk about what are our plans, what are our hopes, and what do we want our financial future to look like.”

Gayle Ramsay, BMO head of Everyday Banking, Segment and Customer Growth, understands how money can be a difficult and emotional topic. She says many couples underestimate the emotional implications that can come with money, which can lead to miscommunication, disappointment, and conflict.

Ramsay is encouraged couples want to have important financial conversations early in the relationship. Fifty-one per cent of partnered Canadians believe the topic should be broached in the early stages of a relationship, 10 per cent say these conversations should happen within the first few days, and 41 per cent say the chat should happen as soon as the relationship becomes official.

“It means they are thinking about there financial future, and it means they are thinking about goals,” says Ramsay. “I would say as couples there is compatibility in terms of getting along but I think part of that is do you line up similar in terms of what your financial goals are.”

Nearly a third of survey respondents say the conversation should take place once a couple plans to live together, while 12 per cent say it should wait until marriage.

For McFarlane, the sooner you and your partner can sit down and discuss finances, the better.

“We want to start early,” he says. “Because if people are going to say its one of the things that is going to matter to them when they are married, well you don’t want to wait until you’re married to start talking about finances.”

McFarlane says it is healthy for a relationship to talk about their financial situation on a regular basis. When having those discussions with your significant other, McFarlane says it is important to remember that at the end of they day you are on the same team.

“First things first is addressing it with a philosophy that we are here to help each other,” McFarlane says. “When we have relationships where we are not able to tap into each other’s experience and perspectives, we are really falling short of what I think we really need in order to survive and succeed as a relationship.”

When it comes to combining finances, 35 per cent of couples believe getting engaged is the time to do so. Twenty-two per cent say it should happen once the relationship is official, while nine per cent say wait until you plan to move in together.

Nearly one in five Canadians say they do not share finances with their significant other.

In overall spending habits, almost half of Canadians say they spend more than they known they should, while 59 per cent admit to one partner being better than the other with saving.

“I always say opposites attract,” Ramsay points out. “So you usually have one person who is more frugal and one who spends a little bit more.”

Ramsay adds talking to a financial advisor as a couple can be the first step to identify where improvements can be made, noting sometimes having a third party member in on the conversation can help ease the tension.