Like anyone in a happy relationship, Pamela Grieve speaks highly of her fiancé, but their partnership is anything but conventional.
The couple met through a website called Canadian Inmates Connect, which contains dozens of profiles of inmates currently behind bars in Canadian prisons. Anyone can visit the website, which bills itself as a prison pen-pal service.
Visitors to the website can view the inmates’ profiles, which indicate where they are incarcerated, their release date, and what crime they have committed. The inmates typically include a photo and a short biography in which many of them describe being lonely.
Inmates don’t have Internet access, so all of the initial correspondence is done through letters.
Melissa Fazzina created Canadian Inmates Connect after she saw an article about a similar website in the United States. She says a simple act of kindness like writing a letter can correct behaviour and change an inmate’s life.
“These people shouldn’t be defined by their crimes, you know. They’re human beings and, you know, allowing them to have contact with outside people just changes them,” she told CTV Atlantic. “It changes a lot of people, not just the people inside, but the people on the outside.”
Grieve says the decision to write to inmate Glyn Lloyd-Owen changed her life.
She wasn’t looking for a romantic connection when she started writing to him last year, but says that’s exactly what she found as her letters turned into phone calls and, eventually, an in-person visit.
“I was nervous, extremely nervous,” said Grieve. “It was kind of the most extreme kind of blind date you could have.”
That visit was just one of many, all of which have been supervised.
“We’re in open seating areas, very uncomfortable seats, I might add,” she said. “We’re sitting across from each other. We can hug each other. We can kiss, but that’s as much physical contact we can have, so really for those seven hours, we’re sitting there talking.”
Lloyd-Owen pleaded guilty in 2005 to the second-degree murder of his landlord and was sentenced to life in prison. It will be at least another six years before he can be released on parole. But Grieve is willing to wait. She believes in second chances and sees a bright future with her fiancé.
“He’s a very supportive person. He’s very caring. He’s honest with me,” she said.
“The man I know is not the man he was 15 years ago and the man I know would never re-offend in that way. I have no concerns over his future.”
The Canadian Inmates Connect website includes a testimonial from Lloyd-Owen. He says he was skeptical of the website at first and thought joining would be a waste of time and money. But he says he “met some really cool, strange people and started to think outside of the walls.”
Then Grieve’s letter arrived.
“’Hello’ was the first thing I saw and I’m certain to my core nothing will ever be the same. Over the next few weeks and months, between letters every couple of days and almost daily phone calls, I fell in love with this amazing woman. The thought of not having her in my life tomorrow, next week or next year took my breath away and I knew I couldn't have that,” he wrote.
Former inmate Derrick Lombard says receiving letters from people outside prison helped him get through his stint at the Springhill Institution in Springhill, N.S., where he was serving time for aggravated assault.
The Truro, N.S. native now lives in Toronto where he works in a restaurant and writes music in his spare time. He says he still keeps in touch with some of the people he met through Canadian Inmates Connect.
“Two and three people and we’re just friends and we talk to try and see how each other’s doing,” said Lombard. “It was really nice to receive letters.”
Jennifer Silcox, an assistant sociology professor at Dalhousie University, says social connections can greatly benefit those behind bars.
“Being able to have relationships or a friend with somebody else can be something to look forward to,” said Silcox. “It could act as motivation and also keep people aware about what’s going on in the outside world.”
As for safety concerns, Fazzina says she’s aware of the stigma associated with prison pen pals, but she hasn’t heard about any negative experiences from people who have written to inmates.
“I don’t really have any safety concerns. You know, I always say that I think this website is a little safer than others that are out there because you know what you’re getting yourself into,” said Fazzina.
“These people who are incarcerated are putting themselves out there … nowadays we can go onto the Internet and Google these people and find out their story, whereas other sites that are out there, you can meet up with somebody in person, and they don’t have to disclose their past.”
“The American research suggested that there are few people who lie on these profiles; I believe it said something along the lines of 14 per cent,” said Silcox. “And the Canadian website that we’re talking about here, it actually asks people to state what their offence was.”
Grieve says she knows others will judge her for getting involved with an inmate, but she maintains that people deserve second chances, no matter who they are.
“I’m not going to live my life based on the opinions of other people. I know I love him and I want to spend my life with him and that should be good enough for anybody.”
With files from CTV Atlantic's Priya Sam
