HALIFAX -- Between the COVID-19 pandemic and multiple tragedies hitting close to home, 2020 has been a year of tremendous loss in Nova Scotia.
With that tragedy comes grief, which can be difficult to deal with at any time, but can hit particularly hard during the holidays.
Halifax resident Thomas Duffet admits to feeling a little lost these days, after an exceptionally tough year.
“It’s strange. I really don’t know how I am on any given day, because it changes from day-to-day,” says Duffet.
This May, Duffet's mother was one of the 53 people who died of COVID-19 at Northwood Manor after an outbreak at the Halifax long-term care facility.
The next month, he lost his wife of 31 years. Shelagh Duffet was a celebrated artist who passed quickly after a diagnosis of late-stage pancreatic cancer.
While it has been a traumatic year for Thomas, he is not alone. Experts say there is an increase in demand for grief counselling in the Halifax area.
“The requests for grief support, whether that’s our support group or our counselling, those requests have increased,” says Linden Hardie, social work and programs manager for Hospice Halifax.
Hardie says grieving people should make time for self-care and be gentle with themselves, and says that while professional help is available, the first line of defence should be friends and family, who often are desperate to help anyway.
“One of the things I often suggest to folks is to set really clear boundaries and requests. So if you feel comfortable asking for something, specifically from someone in your life that you need while you’re grieving, do so,” says Hardie.
“Sometimes it’s important for us to let in a little bit of that vulnerability and kind of recognize that we are hurting, and that there is an element of sadness here, and a lot of people struggling,” adds Roy Ellis, a bereavement coordinator for Nova Scotia Health.
As Thomas works through his wife’s affairs and prepares for a Christmas without her, he says his priority is his daughter.
But with Christmas Eve marking six months since Shelagh passed, a rollercoaster year of emotions will continue into the Christmas season.
“Here’s the funny thing. The one person you want to discuss your grief with is the person you lost,” reflects Thomas.
Shelagh Duffet’s memory will continue to live on through her extensive body of art. Thomas says some of it will go to family and friends, but one piece is being reserved for the Halifax Hospice, where she spent her last days.
